onigame (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} onigame) wrote,@ 2008-10-18 04:00:00 |
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Trying to Understand the Financial Crisis
I'm trying to understand the current financial crisis, and sometimes it helps to rephrase and write things to help understand them. So, here's a little 6.5-scene play, somewhat metaphorical, about what's going on. No guarantees as to accuracy, and the numbers are made up.
[SCENE I. LEHMAN and AIG are on stage.]
LEHMAN: Hey everybody. I'm a big investment bank who's been around forever.
AIG: Oh, hi Mr. Lehman. Yes, you certainly have been around here a while. I'm a big insurance provider. Want to buy some insurance?
LEHMAN: What kind of insurance?
AIG: It's like life insurance, but for banks. You give me 200 million dollars every year, and if you die, I save your butt with 10 billion dollars.
LEHMAN: Hmm. I don't think I'm anywhere in that sort of danger, but you never know, and your rates sound pretty good. Okay, you got a deal. Here's 200 million dollars.
AIG: Great. Here's to your good health. [aside] Easiest 200 million I ever made.
[Exit LEHMAN. MERRILL LYNCH comes on stage.]
LYNCH: Hey, Mr. Aig. I couldn't help but overhear the deal you made with Mr. Lehman. Can I get in on the same deal?
AIG: Sounds reasonable. So, you give me 200 million, and if you die, I save your butt with 10 billion dollars?
LYNCH: Oh, no no no. I said, the *same* deal. I don't want to buy insurance on *me*, I want to buy it on Mr. Lehman.
AIG: Huh?
LYNCH: I give you 200 million a year, and if Mr. Lehman dies, you give me 10 billion dollars.
AIG: Um. That sounds kinda suspicious.
LYNCH: How so? It's the exact same deal you just made with him. Surely you don't think that he's more likely to die just because I want to buy insurance on him?
AIG: Yeah, but, you might just kill him or something. Then I'd not only be out 10 billion to you, I'd also be out 10 billion to him.
LYNCH: Aw, c'mon, Lynch may be my last name but we're all well-behaved giant investment banks here. I can't move a finger against him without the Man stepping in and you know it. Besides, Mr. Lehman owes me money, it wouldn't be in my best interest to kill him.
AIG: Fine. 400 million a year.
LYNCH: 300 million.
AIG: Deal. Hand it over.
LYNCH: Here you go.
AIG: [aside] Heh, playing hard-to-get really works well.
[End SCENE I.]
[SCENE II. LEHMAN and AIG are on stage.]
LEHMAN: Hey guys, I'm feeling kinda sick.
AIG: Oh no, what happened?
LEHMAN: Some terrorists crashed a plane into my office space.
AIG: Oh jeez. Well, try to get better. I have a lot of money riding on your health (20 billion in fact). In fact, I don't think your insurance policy is paid up yet?
LEHMAN: Oh, sorry about that. Here you go, 200 million dollars.
AIG: Dude, I hate to be harsh but you're looking kinda pale. I'm raising the price to 300 million dollars.
LEHMAN: Okay, okay. It's only fair. Here you go.
AIG: Thanks.
[End SCENE II.]
[SCENE III. MERRILL LYNCH and GOLDMAN SACHS are on stage.]
GOLDMAN: Hey, you hear what happened to Mr. Lehman?
LYNCH: Yeah, it's been a tough year for him.
GOLDMAN: I feel kinda morbid for saying this, but ... I heard Mr. Aig sold you some insurance on Mr. Lehman, and at the time I thought you were just throwing your money away, but now it seems like you might have had the right idea. I'm kinda wishing I was in on that deal.
LYNCH: Oh, you can be.
GOLDMAN: How? I talked to Mr. Aig and he said that he wasn't comfortable selling any more insurance on Mr. Lehman.
LYNCH: Yeah, but *I* can sell you insurance.
GOLDMAN: How does that work?
LYNCH: Simple. You pay me 500 million a year. If Mr. Lehman bites it, I give you 11 billion.
GOLDMAN: Wow! That sounds pretty good. But... if he does bite it, where are you going to get the money?
LYNCH: That's easy. If Mr. Lehman dies, Mr. Aig said he would give me 10 billion. So, all I do is add 1 billion of my own money and pay you. Since I'm paying 300 million a year to Mr. Aig, what's going on is that I'm making a profit of 200 million a year (500 million from you, and 300 million to Mr. Aig), and the worst I can lose is 1 billion.
GOLDMAN: Huh. Sounds sweet... for you. I wish I'd thought of that.
LYNCH: Oh, you will, my dear Mr. Sachs. You will.
[End SCENE III.]
[SCENE IV. GOLDMAN SACHS and MORGAN STANLEY are in a conversation.]
GOLDMAN: ... and the worst I can lose is 1 billion.
STANLEY: I don't really care about your deals with other people. Just let me make sure I understand what OUR deal is.
GOLDMAN: Okay.
STANLEY: I pay you 700 million a year...
GOLDMAN: Yep.
STANLEY: ... and if Mr. Lehman is about to die, you pay me 12 billion.
GOLDMAN: Yep, that's it.
STANLEY: Sweet deal. Especially if he's as sick as I am, what with the terrorists. How can I refuse? Lemme get my wallet.
[An CFTC-GUY, wearing a uniform, charges on stage.]
CFTC-GUY: Hold it! I heard there was some shady dealing going on in this neighborhood. And here it is, I'm finding you all doing this morbid dealing regarding Mr. Lehman's possible death.
GOLDMAN: Oh, no, officer, it's all just business and deals here. No actual violence. In fact, Mr. Lehman's death isn't really that relevant much anymore.
CFTC-GUY: Huh?
GOLDMAN: Look, dude's been around forever, he's not going to die just because he lost his office space. We're just swapping credit around based on probabilities.
CFTC-GUY: You say that, but you're playing with fire here. Jeez, people, don't you know someone could get hurt? There was that accident just last year with Mr. LTCM.
STANLEY: Pfft. Mr. LTCM was small potatoes, a bum. We're much older and more responsible.
GOLDMAN: Yeah. Go away and don't bother us. Call your boss and whine if you want.
CFTC-GUY: I think I might just do that. [gets out cell phone] Hey, Mr. O'Neill? I have here some more holier-than-thou investment banks doing shady dealings, can I arrest them? Uh huh. Uh huh. Oh, he's coming over here? Good.
[Enter ALAN GREENSPAN.]
GREENSPAN: Hey boys, what's up?
GOLDMAN: Oh, hey Mr. Greenspan. Morgan and I were just playing around here, doing our own business, when the mean officer here decides he wants to get into our business.
GREENSPAN: I see. Here, let me talk to the nice officer. You boys run along now.
CFTC-GUY: Hey wait, you can't just let them go.
GREENSPAN: Sure I can. Go, boys.
[STANLEY and SACHS exit.]
GREENSPAN: [To CFTC-GUY] Here you are, causing trouble again. You know very well that you don't have jurisdiction here.
CFTC-GUY: It's dangerous, what they're doing.
GREENSPAN: Yes, well, it could be, but you know, it's not like they're immature little S&Ls. They're big boys now, let them have their fun. You keep on trying to interfere with them.
CFTC-GUY: Well, yes, because...
GREENSPAN: And that's why you no longer have jurisdiction. Me and Robert Rubin and Phil Gramm saw to that when we changed the laws. Let them do stuff on their own. They're responsible; they know it's just play. No one's really going to get hurt.
LEHMAN [offstage]: Hey, I think I'm feeling better now.
GREENSPAN: You see? Everything's going to be juuuust fine.
[End SCENE V.]
[SCENE VI. LEHMAN, LYNCH, SACHS, are all on stage, eating steak. AIG and STANLEY are watching.]
LYNCH: Mmm, oh man, this steak is sooo good.
LEHMAN: You said it. What's in it again?
SACHS: Mortgages. Tasty, huh? Isn't it great that Mr. Greenspan lifted the ban on cow meat before he retired? His replacement, that Bernanke guy, is more of a wimp and will listen to any hippie. Eat up, gentlemen, while you still can.
LEHMAN: Oh, most definitely. More and more available each day, and it's yummy. Hey Mr. Aig, are you sure you don't want a bite?
AIG: No, no thanks. I'm a vegetarian. Insurance deals only.
LEHMAN: How about you, Morgan?
STANLEY: I had a little bit earlier but I'm not that hungry right now.
SACHS: Where's this batch of steak from anyway?
LYNCH: Husband-and-wife team. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
LEHMAN: Wait. Weren't they in the hospital until recently? Sub-prime meat poisoning?
STANLEY: Yeah, but they *deal* in meat. Not a well-balanced meal like we get. Don't worry, they're in intensive care right now, but they'll be fine. I saw them just last week. Mr. Paulson was looking after them.
[LEHMAN coughs suddenly.]
LEHMAN: Hey guys, I don't feel so good.
LYNCH: Huh?
LEHMAN: I think I had too much of that sub-prime stuff.
LYNCH: Oh, I had some of those earlier. It's nothing; just let it pass through your system. You'll feel a bit sick for a bit, but it'll be okay.
LEHMAN: No really, I think I had a particularly bad amount, all at once. [coughs]
STANLEY: I think he's serious.
AIG: Oh crap.
LEHMAN: Could someone call the hospital for me please?
AIG: Oh crap. Oh crap. [takes out his cell phone] Hello, Mr. Bernanke? I think you better come over right now.
[LEHMAN coughs again. Looks to be in pain.]
LYNCH: C'mon, old friend, stay strong.
STANLEY: Let him breathe. Keep awake, Lehman. Mr. Bernanke's on his way.
[LEHMAN collapses.]
AIG: Did he...?
LYNCH: Yes.
STANLEY: Well, you know what that means.
AIG: I don't feel well.
LYNCH: What?
STANLEY [to GOLDMAN]: You owe me 12 billion dollars.
GOLDMAN: Er. I don't have it. Yet. Hold on a bit. Lemme get you 11 billion dollars first, and I'll make up the difference later. [to LYNCH] You owe me 11 billion dollars.
LYNCH: Yeah, well, about that... hold on. [to AIG] You owe me 10 billion dollars.
AIG: I *really* don't feel well.
LYNCH: Now!
AIG: But, but, I don't even eat beef!
LYNCH: Don't care. Gimme the 10 billion dollars. I haven't been paying this protection money for nothing. Besides, I'm already in trouble because I need another 1 billion dollars and I'm not sure where I'm going to get it.
AIG: I don't have it! He wasn't supposed to die!
GOLDMAN: Am I to understand I'm not going to get 11 billion dollars?
STANLEY: *Your* 11 billion dollars? How about *my* 12 billion dollars?
LYNCH [grabbing AIG by the lapels]: I'm getting angry. And desperate. I might have to call in Big Brother Bofa on this. You don't want him involved, trust me.
[Enter BEN BERNANKE]
BERNANKE: Hey, what's all this then?
STANLEY: Lehman just died.
BERNANKE: That's not good.
GOLDMAN: And Merrill is about to lynch Aig.
BERNANKE: That's not good either.
AIG: Mr. Bernanke! Help! It wasn't my fault!
BERNANKE: Okay, I'm a bit late to do anything about Lehman but I can do a bit here. Hey Mr. Aig, have some money.
AIG: Thank you! Thank you! [to LYNCH] Here! Take it, you cad.
LYNCH: Hmph. [takes the money]. See if I ever do business with you again. [to GOLDMAN] Here you go.
GOLDMAN: This is only 10 billion. You owe me 1 billion more.
LYNCH: Well, I don't have it yet.
GOLDMAN: Consider us enemies until I see it. [to STANLEY] Here.
STANLEY: I'm going to assume you don't have the, hm, 2 billion you still owe me.
GOLDMAN: Eh-heh-heh-heh.
STANLEY: I thought so. I never want to see any of you again.
LYNCH: I can't take this any more. I'm going home to my big brother Bofa.
AIG: I'm a vegetarian, forcrissake! I shouldn't even be involved in this.
[Everyone starts arguing at once as the lights dim. End SCENE VI.]
[EPILOGUE - SCENE VII. BEN BERNANKE and HENRY PAULSON are on stage, talking.]
BERNANKE: ... so that's what happened.
PAULSON: Jeez. That's horrible. I'm glad I left Goldman when I did.
BERNANKE: So yeah, it's pretty horrible now. Everybody's in debt to each other, nobody trusts each other. It's sad, the whole street is empty because everyone's hiding in their own little house. And you know what the worst part is?
PAULSON: What?
BERNANKE: They're all starving to death. The only food anywhere is those sub-prime steaks, and they're poisonous. They're not working together to create anything. Nobody's making any food deliveries. In fact, I've heard that they've started eating *each other.* I don't know what to do!
PAULSON: Well, I have some friends that *might* help.
BERNANKE: Anything!
PAULSON: It's a long shot. I'm going to see if those friends are willing to give up some *real* food to buy those poisoned steaks. How much do you think they need?
BERNANKE: About 700 billion.
PAULSON: Wow, that's going to be a tough sell. I might be able to convince my friends that the steaks will lose their poison slowly over the years as they age.
BERNANKE: Just try it. What have you got to lose? No matter what, we can't let this place die out. Otherwise, the poison just spreads.
PAULSON: Yes. We have to do something.
[END.]
I'm trying to understand the current financial crisis, and sometimes it helps to rephrase and write things to help understand them. So, here's a little 6.5-scene play, somewhat metaphorical, about what's going on. No guarantees as to accuracy, and the numbers are made up.
[SCENE I. LEHMAN and AIG are on stage.]
LEHMAN: Hey everybody. I'm a big investment bank who's been around forever.
AIG: Oh, hi Mr. Lehman. Yes, you certainly have been around here a while. I'm a big insurance provider. Want to buy some insurance?
LEHMAN: What kind of insurance?
AIG: It's like life insurance, but for banks. You give me 200 million dollars every year, and if you die, I save your butt with 10 billion dollars.
LEHMAN: Hmm. I don't think I'm anywhere in that sort of danger, but you never know, and your rates sound pretty good. Okay, you got a deal. Here's 200 million dollars.
AIG: Great. Here's to your good health. [aside] Easiest 200 million I ever made.
[Exit LEHMAN. MERRILL LYNCH comes on stage.]
LYNCH: Hey, Mr. Aig. I couldn't help but overhear the deal you made with Mr. Lehman. Can I get in on the same deal?
AIG: Sounds reasonable. So, you give me 200 million, and if you die, I save your butt with 10 billion dollars?
LYNCH: Oh, no no no. I said, the *same* deal. I don't want to buy insurance on *me*, I want to buy it on Mr. Lehman.
AIG: Huh?
LYNCH: I give you 200 million a year, and if Mr. Lehman dies, you give me 10 billion dollars.
AIG: Um. That sounds kinda suspicious.
LYNCH: How so? It's the exact same deal you just made with him. Surely you don't think that he's more likely to die just because I want to buy insurance on him?
AIG: Yeah, but, you might just kill him or something. Then I'd not only be out 10 billion to you, I'd also be out 10 billion to him.
LYNCH: Aw, c'mon, Lynch may be my last name but we're all well-behaved giant investment banks here. I can't move a finger against him without the Man stepping in and you know it. Besides, Mr. Lehman owes me money, it wouldn't be in my best interest to kill him.
AIG: Fine. 400 million a year.
LYNCH: 300 million.
AIG: Deal. Hand it over.
LYNCH: Here you go.
AIG: [aside] Heh, playing hard-to-get really works well.
[End SCENE I.]
[SCENE II. LEHMAN and AIG are on stage.]
LEHMAN: Hey guys, I'm feeling kinda sick.
AIG: Oh no, what happened?
LEHMAN: Some terrorists crashed a plane into my office space.
AIG: Oh jeez. Well, try to get better. I have a lot of money riding on your health (20 billion in fact). In fact, I don't think your insurance policy is paid up yet?
LEHMAN: Oh, sorry about that. Here you go, 200 million dollars.
AIG: Dude, I hate to be harsh but you're looking kinda pale. I'm raising the price to 300 million dollars.
LEHMAN: Okay, okay. It's only fair. Here you go.
AIG: Thanks.
[End SCENE II.]
[SCENE III. MERRILL LYNCH and GOLDMAN SACHS are on stage.]
GOLDMAN: Hey, you hear what happened to Mr. Lehman?
LYNCH: Yeah, it's been a tough year for him.
GOLDMAN: I feel kinda morbid for saying this, but ... I heard Mr. Aig sold you some insurance on Mr. Lehman, and at the time I thought you were just throwing your money away, but now it seems like you might have had the right idea. I'm kinda wishing I was in on that deal.
LYNCH: Oh, you can be.
GOLDMAN: How? I talked to Mr. Aig and he said that he wasn't comfortable selling any more insurance on Mr. Lehman.
LYNCH: Yeah, but *I* can sell you insurance.
GOLDMAN: How does that work?
LYNCH: Simple. You pay me 500 million a year. If Mr. Lehman bites it, I give you 11 billion.
GOLDMAN: Wow! That sounds pretty good. But... if he does bite it, where are you going to get the money?
LYNCH: That's easy. If Mr. Lehman dies, Mr. Aig said he would give me 10 billion. So, all I do is add 1 billion of my own money and pay you. Since I'm paying 300 million a year to Mr. Aig, what's going on is that I'm making a profit of 200 million a year (500 million from you, and 300 million to Mr. Aig), and the worst I can lose is 1 billion.
GOLDMAN: Huh. Sounds sweet... for you. I wish I'd thought of that.
LYNCH: Oh, you will, my dear Mr. Sachs. You will.
[End SCENE III.]
[SCENE IV. GOLDMAN SACHS and MORGAN STANLEY are in a conversation.]
GOLDMAN: ... and the worst I can lose is 1 billion.
STANLEY: I don't really care about your deals with other people. Just let me make sure I understand what OUR deal is.
GOLDMAN: Okay.
STANLEY: I pay you 700 million a year...
GOLDMAN: Yep.
STANLEY: ... and if Mr. Lehman is about to die, you pay me 12 billion.
GOLDMAN: Yep, that's it.
STANLEY: Sweet deal. Especially if he's as sick as I am, what with the terrorists. How can I refuse? Lemme get my wallet.
[An CFTC-GUY, wearing a uniform, charges on stage.]
CFTC-GUY: Hold it! I heard there was some shady dealing going on in this neighborhood. And here it is, I'm finding you all doing this morbid dealing regarding Mr. Lehman's possible death.
GOLDMAN: Oh, no, officer, it's all just business and deals here. No actual violence. In fact, Mr. Lehman's death isn't really that relevant much anymore.
CFTC-GUY: Huh?
GOLDMAN: Look, dude's been around forever, he's not going to die just because he lost his office space. We're just swapping credit around based on probabilities.
CFTC-GUY: You say that, but you're playing with fire here. Jeez, people, don't you know someone could get hurt? There was that accident just last year with Mr. LTCM.
STANLEY: Pfft. Mr. LTCM was small potatoes, a bum. We're much older and more responsible.
GOLDMAN: Yeah. Go away and don't bother us. Call your boss and whine if you want.
CFTC-GUY: I think I might just do that. [gets out cell phone] Hey, Mr. O'Neill? I have here some more holier-than-thou investment banks doing shady dealings, can I arrest them? Uh huh. Uh huh. Oh, he's coming over here? Good.
[Enter ALAN GREENSPAN.]
GREENSPAN: Hey boys, what's up?
GOLDMAN: Oh, hey Mr. Greenspan. Morgan and I were just playing around here, doing our own business, when the mean officer here decides he wants to get into our business.
GREENSPAN: I see. Here, let me talk to the nice officer. You boys run along now.
CFTC-GUY: Hey wait, you can't just let them go.
GREENSPAN: Sure I can. Go, boys.
[STANLEY and SACHS exit.]
GREENSPAN: [To CFTC-GUY] Here you are, causing trouble again. You know very well that you don't have jurisdiction here.
CFTC-GUY: It's dangerous, what they're doing.
GREENSPAN: Yes, well, it could be, but you know, it's not like they're immature little S&Ls. They're big boys now, let them have their fun. You keep on trying to interfere with them.
CFTC-GUY: Well, yes, because...
GREENSPAN: And that's why you no longer have jurisdiction. Me and Robert Rubin and Phil Gramm saw to that when we changed the laws. Let them do stuff on their own. They're responsible; they know it's just play. No one's really going to get hurt.
LEHMAN [offstage]: Hey, I think I'm feeling better now.
GREENSPAN: You see? Everything's going to be juuuust fine.
[End SCENE V.]
[SCENE VI. LEHMAN, LYNCH, SACHS, are all on stage, eating steak. AIG and STANLEY are watching.]
LYNCH: Mmm, oh man, this steak is sooo good.
LEHMAN: You said it. What's in it again?
SACHS: Mortgages. Tasty, huh? Isn't it great that Mr. Greenspan lifted the ban on cow meat before he retired? His replacement, that Bernanke guy, is more of a wimp and will listen to any hippie. Eat up, gentlemen, while you still can.
LEHMAN: Oh, most definitely. More and more available each day, and it's yummy. Hey Mr. Aig, are you sure you don't want a bite?
AIG: No, no thanks. I'm a vegetarian. Insurance deals only.
LEHMAN: How about you, Morgan?
STANLEY: I had a little bit earlier but I'm not that hungry right now.
SACHS: Where's this batch of steak from anyway?
LYNCH: Husband-and-wife team. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
LEHMAN: Wait. Weren't they in the hospital until recently? Sub-prime meat poisoning?
STANLEY: Yeah, but they *deal* in meat. Not a well-balanced meal like we get. Don't worry, they're in intensive care right now, but they'll be fine. I saw them just last week. Mr. Paulson was looking after them.
[LEHMAN coughs suddenly.]
LEHMAN: Hey guys, I don't feel so good.
LYNCH: Huh?
LEHMAN: I think I had too much of that sub-prime stuff.
LYNCH: Oh, I had some of those earlier. It's nothing; just let it pass through your system. You'll feel a bit sick for a bit, but it'll be okay.
LEHMAN: No really, I think I had a particularly bad amount, all at once. [coughs]
STANLEY: I think he's serious.
AIG: Oh crap.
LEHMAN: Could someone call the hospital for me please?
AIG: Oh crap. Oh crap. [takes out his cell phone] Hello, Mr. Bernanke? I think you better come over right now.
[LEHMAN coughs again. Looks to be in pain.]
LYNCH: C'mon, old friend, stay strong.
STANLEY: Let him breathe. Keep awake, Lehman. Mr. Bernanke's on his way.
[LEHMAN collapses.]
AIG: Did he...?
LYNCH: Yes.
STANLEY: Well, you know what that means.
AIG: I don't feel well.
LYNCH: What?
STANLEY [to GOLDMAN]: You owe me 12 billion dollars.
GOLDMAN: Er. I don't have it. Yet. Hold on a bit. Lemme get you 11 billion dollars first, and I'll make up the difference later. [to LYNCH] You owe me 11 billion dollars.
LYNCH: Yeah, well, about that... hold on. [to AIG] You owe me 10 billion dollars.
AIG: I *really* don't feel well.
LYNCH: Now!
AIG: But, but, I don't even eat beef!
LYNCH: Don't care. Gimme the 10 billion dollars. I haven't been paying this protection money for nothing. Besides, I'm already in trouble because I need another 1 billion dollars and I'm not sure where I'm going to get it.
AIG: I don't have it! He wasn't supposed to die!
GOLDMAN: Am I to understand I'm not going to get 11 billion dollars?
STANLEY: *Your* 11 billion dollars? How about *my* 12 billion dollars?
LYNCH [grabbing AIG by the lapels]: I'm getting angry. And desperate. I might have to call in Big Brother Bofa on this. You don't want him involved, trust me.
[Enter BEN BERNANKE]
BERNANKE: Hey, what's all this then?
STANLEY: Lehman just died.
BERNANKE: That's not good.
GOLDMAN: And Merrill is about to lynch Aig.
BERNANKE: That's not good either.
AIG: Mr. Bernanke! Help! It wasn't my fault!
BERNANKE: Okay, I'm a bit late to do anything about Lehman but I can do a bit here. Hey Mr. Aig, have some money.
AIG: Thank you! Thank you! [to LYNCH] Here! Take it, you cad.
LYNCH: Hmph. [takes the money]. See if I ever do business with you again. [to GOLDMAN] Here you go.
GOLDMAN: This is only 10 billion. You owe me 1 billion more.
LYNCH: Well, I don't have it yet.
GOLDMAN: Consider us enemies until I see it. [to STANLEY] Here.
STANLEY: I'm going to assume you don't have the, hm, 2 billion you still owe me.
GOLDMAN: Eh-heh-heh-heh.
STANLEY: I thought so. I never want to see any of you again.
LYNCH: I can't take this any more. I'm going home to my big brother Bofa.
AIG: I'm a vegetarian, forcrissake! I shouldn't even be involved in this.
[Everyone starts arguing at once as the lights dim. End SCENE VI.]
[EPILOGUE - SCENE VII. BEN BERNANKE and HENRY PAULSON are on stage, talking.]
BERNANKE: ... so that's what happened.
PAULSON: Jeez. That's horrible. I'm glad I left Goldman when I did.
BERNANKE: So yeah, it's pretty horrible now. Everybody's in debt to each other, nobody trusts each other. It's sad, the whole street is empty because everyone's hiding in their own little house. And you know what the worst part is?
PAULSON: What?
BERNANKE: They're all starving to death. The only food anywhere is those sub-prime steaks, and they're poisonous. They're not working together to create anything. Nobody's making any food deliveries. In fact, I've heard that they've started eating *each other.* I don't know what to do!
PAULSON: Well, I have some friends that *might* help.
BERNANKE: Anything!
PAULSON: It's a long shot. I'm going to see if those friends are willing to give up some *real* food to buy those poisoned steaks. How much do you think they need?
BERNANKE: About 700 billion.
PAULSON: Wow, that's going to be a tough sell. I might be able to convince my friends that the steaks will lose their poison slowly over the years as they age.
BERNANKE: Just try it. What have you got to lose? No matter what, we can't let this place die out. Otherwise, the poison just spreads.
PAULSON: Yes. We have to do something.
[END.]
